The Red Center

7 am start this morning ordering $6 cappuccinos by some drifter French man in the hotel. I've quickly discovered that this country is extremely over priced and I've been channeling my inner Jew and trying to haggle with everyone about everything. "Are you SURE those cappuccinos are WORTH $6? Am I REALLY going to get my money's worth or should I just pay $4? WHERE'S THAT COFFEE FROM?" Unfortunately, Australia isn't Morocco where if you just throw out one arabic buzz word they sell you their goods 70% off. I also learned that every French man's name isn't Francois, and calling them that is extremely offensive. Oops.
So we took a bus out of the New Jersey of Australia (Alice Springs) into Ayer's rock for some good old fashioned valley hiking. On the way to Ayer's rock we first stopped by a camel farm, which I guess was interesting. But camels to me are just like glorified horses for the Arab people, and the only thing special about them is that they barely need to drink. PERFECT FOR THE MOROCCAN DESERT. The cool thing about this stop was that there were also kangaroos AND I GOT TO FEED ONE.. grass. Now, I'm pretty sure kangaroos aren't suppose to eat just regular pesticide-filled grass, so I apologize to that kangaroo for any stomach problems it has tonight. The kangaroo was adorable and I wanted to take it home, but then I smelled it, and it reminded me of rabbits. Soon, rushing back came the memories of Howard County living where some people actually heat their houses with rabbit urine and droppings, aaaand that kind of killed it for me.
Anyways along the way we went through the Australian outback. The sand was bright red and the oak trees were burnt from recent plains fires in the area. After a few more random stops we made it to some rock that is known for something and it has 36 domes, or valleys, or something (I didn't bring my ritalin on this trip so I'm going to blame my lack of concentration on that). It was hotter than hell outside. Literally. 114 degrees when we started our hike into the valley (or dome?) SO naturally I was looking good FEELING BETTER. To let you know how unprepared I was for this hike, I almost wore a dress and wedges until I was told that wasn't a good idea. So about half the group didn't make the hike, but when we got there the view of the valley was beautiful . Great invention alert: CAMEL BACKS. Honestly I made fun of the outdoors loving wannabe hippies as much as the next guy, but these things are amazing. The backpacks store 2 liters of water and it's great for hiking especially when it's 110+ degrees outside. BUT ALSO it'd be amazing to use at concerts or day drinks. Just throw an extra large margarita in there and it stays cool for hours..just a thought. So after the hike everyone was pretty much more than ready to get back to the hotel, but we stopped for a bit to watch the sun set over Ayer's rock (although the sun was setting on the opposite side..). After much needed showers we met up with a Norwegian family for dinner:
If anyone knows anything about me, they know I absolutely love Norway. It's such a lovable, happy, socialist country where everyone just loves the government and there's so much trust..and Fjords. Ever since the Norway/Denmark film I watched in 10th grade government class, my dream has been to move to Norway and enjoy some free healthcare and a government provided car. Well, apparently there is this newish program in Norway which is trying to import Americans into Norway to help the more rural areas learn English as well as the urban areas do. So basically they set you up with a Norwegian farmer OF YOUR CHOICE and it's encouraged to get married. So when I'm 35 and single, sign me up for that. (Although I'd prefer a Norwegian businessman, but we can work out the details later, right?)
Updated:
Lovely 3am wake up in order to catch the sunrise over Ayer's rock (didn't we just see the sunset?) I guess that was nice. Honesty at this point in time I am so sick of this freaking rock, I don't know how many different pictures at different angles I can take of this rock. So after the sunrise viewing we went to the climb site, but it was closed because the wind was too strong and this year 42 people died from attempting to climb the rock and being knocked over by the wind. Forgeeettttt that, I'm not dying on no rock.
Then we went to the cultural center, which was the saddest cultural center I have ever seen. I feel like the Australians are really trying to over compensate for the persecution of the aboriginal people, by saying how amazing their culture is, yet you can still tell that they are extremely prejudice. SO anyways this cultural center was a bunch of cave paintings (painted in the 1930s.. how does that work?) and a seven minute video of some topless aboriginal woman with her boobs past her waist jumping around and singing, and in the last scene she's chilling with Oprah.. okay interesante. To take a break from that my mother and I sat outside and counted how many Germans we saw for the remainder of the time.
After the cultural center we went back to the rock and went to see a watering hole, except there was no water, so I guess we saw a dried up hole, which looked like every other hole in the rock (can you tell that I am sick of nature yet?) Five guided tours about the same gum tree later, we went back to the hotel and personally I crashed for about four hours before we headed BACK to the goddamned rock for stargazing and champagne. Except it wasn't champagne, and we were on an Asian bus and I didn't understand anything. We missed the English speaking bus..whoopsy. AND you know a restaurant is going to bad when it is catered to Germans and the classic dish is a wiener schnitzel.
The star dinner was nice. I was slightly terrified that some dingo was going to smell the food and attack us, but thankfully that didn't happen. There was an Australian outback man (cowboy?) playing the digerydoo (spelling is for sure wrong) This is basically a wind instrument that is just a hollow tube and you blow on it and it makes this terrible sound. The only way I can describe the sound is that it reminded me of when I took shrooms once and every sound was so sensitive I felt it pulsating through my whole body. Scary sheyt, or maybe like a bad acid trip. At our table there were these Australian ladies who made their own cult and were preparing for the end of the world, which is today and told us they would channel us in their meditation in oder to protect us from the impending doom.. THX GURLZ. But at the moment, I'm still here typing up this post, but I guess we'll see when the Mayan bewitching hour hits.
So right now I'm waiting to board the plane to Sydney, and then head to Auckland, New Zealand. I'm ready to get out of the outback, or the equivalent to the dirty south of Australia.